On The Path to Finding Myself Again

…sort of.

My friend and basically business partner for many years, Sandie, is still lingering to this life in a coma. We truly thought she’d let go quicker than this. But I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. She never gave up on me, even through the many times I tried and failed.

I find myself completely lost without her. At least in my career.

It’s funny. I’m a motivator and counselor for others in their career path, yet I find out that my own was so dependent upon one generous individual being there.  I can’t say I took her forgranted because she had been battling an unrelated life threatening condition. I was just distracted by my desire to do right by her and do the best I could for her books because I wasn’t sure if she had time for as many as she did.

I’m very, very thankful she did get through seven books before her time ran out. It was more than I hoped for in the beginning.

In my desire to do right for her, I failed to see how dependent I became on her. Still am, I guess.

Honestly, I think I would have disappeared off of the internet scene for a time: month, a few months, a few years, something.  I did not. Not right away because I wanted to help her family see this through, and make sure her books are handled the way they wanted.

Then, not planning to at all once I was told she made a last request for her books with MMP that makes me think of myself as a caretaker for her books and creations. It’s a responsibility I take seriously.

Yet, I also must caretake my own career. Find the drive for it again.

Thankfully, my other dear friend and artist Ron Leming is helping with that.

And thank God for Inworldz. Building is good for the soul and good therapy. It’s something I can enjoy there and not at that other place. Because prims don’t matter.

Sorry to keep harping on that, but so many days I see this as a life saver. I had felt badly that my game family chose another open source grid instead, with many of the same benefits, but after much thought, that’s not so bad. I can still go visit in the other place and within the actual game itself. This suits my need for anonymity to satisfy my introverted personality during those quiet moments I need.

For the part of the business that’s the press, I need to get dates going for the anthology editions and post those for writers to submit to, and set up the 2015 schedule. For the ‘day job’ part of the business, I need to set up a routine for clients to start off the new year.

Due to my inability to break free of the mind numbing shock of losing someone so close to me, I’ve had all this put on hold. (Other than taxes. That I was able to process properly, thankfully.)

Now it’s time to move forward, get the planning done, and do some work again. Time to straighten out this winding path I’m on.

On the little forest in Inworldz on Dunvalos Reach

On the little forest in Inworldz on Dunvalos Reach

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